The Boy Who Cried "Strap On"

Since my roommate Clarese and I are starting a podcast this upcoming week, I figured I'd put some teaser material out here early. This is an experimental section we'll call "Craigslist Winners". And yes, that title is dripping with sarcasm.

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This is freaking hilarious!

Guess he found this pretty intimidating.

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: q2jzp-3628582578@pers.craigslist.org
Sent: Wed, Feb 20, 2013 02:51:12 GMT+00:00
Subject: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Hello,

My name is --- and I absolutely love strap on play. I have experience
as a professional dom and some sub experience (as a female switch). I've
attached my pic. Feel free to email me back yours.

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Wed, Feb 20, 2013 19:39:52 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Hey what's up ---..nice pic..would u be interested in using a strap-on on me?

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Wed, Feb 20, 2013 19:39:52 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Do you have a pic? 

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Wed, Feb 20, 2013 20:51:28 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Yea I do..but id like to talk a little more before I send it..what r u into and what kind of a thing would u like to do..sry im just new to this and don't know what to expected but im basically just looking for a girl who would fuck me with a strap on

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Thu, Feb 21, 2013 02:01:01 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

I am serious I really want to do this..cool im from ---- to


-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Thu, Feb 21, 2013 02:01:01 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Pic?

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Thu, Feb 21, 2013 02:01:01 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

How do i know your pic is u? If u send me another pic of u ill send u mine

-----Original message-----

From: 
To: "lakers518@gmail.com" <lakers518@gmail.com>
Sent: Thu, Feb 21, 2013 02:01:01 GMT+00:00
Subject: Re: strap on - m4w - 23 (518)

Oh, well, then I suppose you have the ability to shove a strap on in your own ass. Too bad your head is already there. Good luck finding a mistress with that kind of annoying, flaky demeanor and endless series of emails where you waffle back and forth like a sissy bitch.

A Dream Realized

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of seeing the world. I started saving for my passport when I was 16, starting with the first job I worked at Cici's Pizza in Texas. Unfortunately, I never received that paycheck and didn't find work again until I was 18. I tried again with the daycare job in Florida, but got laid off two months after working and needed every last penny for my rent. Six months later, I got a job in a bar but needed a vehicle to get there and back, which ate into my tips heavily. Shortly after, conditions proved negative for my mental health and I decided to go back to school for Web Design. After earning my associates, I tried getting freelance work but what little I got was always just enough to cover expenses.

Everything changed about one month ago when I got out of a shitty relationship and living situation. One of my best friends gave me a safe place to stay for the semester. Within a week, I got a job where I earned enough tips to apply for my passport.

I eagerly grabbed all my documentation and headed for the bus stop with my bestie, Clarese. The Route 100 took us to the post office downtown where, upon entering, I saw one of the friendly employees from the post office I normally frequent on Central Ave.

"I didn't know you worked here too!" I exclaimed.

"Meh, they move me around." He said.

"Today is a happy day. I'm applying for my passport. I'm going to see the world!"

"Congratulations." He said. "Talk to that lady over at the first counter. She'll help you out."

He turned to the middle aged brunette woman and said "She's my favorite Fort Orange customer. Take care of her."

I couldn't help but smile. For once, everything seemed to be falling right into place. I handed the woman my documentation and reached into my wallet for the $150 in cash.

"You're just missing one thing." She said.

My heart sank. I wondered if yet another obstacle had set up on my path.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Your application." She smiled.

Relief washed over me.

I'd almost completed my application with the pen I'd borrowed from the floating clerk before the woman came over and told me that I couldn't use blue ink. After spewing several expletives, I finally pulled myself together enough to fill out the damn thing all over again with a black pen. I didn't know all of my mother's information, but the female clerk at least found out that she'd entered this world in 1962. I stretched a smile for my passport photo and just accepted the fact that I looked like a dork. A very happy dork.

"You'll receive your passport within 4-6 weeks." She said.

Clarese and I counted down the moments until we walked out the heavy glass doors and back onto Pearl St. We hugged each other tightly as tears welled up in our eyes. My dream had come true. This poor, orphan girl is going to see the world.