Ah, Albany. A great deal of our population is occupied by douchebag “bros”, Ugg-wearing chicken heads, and hipster trust fund rejects. But all this makes Albany a potential gold mine for comedic material, especially since I’m not originally from here and hence, do not fall into any of the above categories. Yet, part of what makes us great is our ability to laugh at ourselves.
Last week, Stephen Colbert did a segment on Nite Moves - the strip club in Latham, a trailer trash dump bordering Albany. The owner owes something like millions of dollars in back taxes and was trying to write it off as “art”. Apparently, the “ght” was also too costly for Stephen “Dick” Junior whose middle name essentially sums up the category most of the men in neighboring towns like Colonie, Delmar, and Latham fall under.
This is pretty much why everyone in NYC (and now the entire country) thinks we’re a joke. It’s not because Albany has a small population of just under 100,000 people nor the fact that much of upstate is rural, vastly different from the thumping, collective heartbeat of the City. It’s because we have leprechaun strip club owners trying to avoid paying taxes on their “artistic endeavors”.
It’s also because most of the young adults from the bordering suburbs dress exactly the same. I’m not even kidding. For girls, the clone uniform is UGG boots and Love Pink sweatshirts or sweatpants. For guy clones, it’s Aeropostale hoodies and sweatpants coupled with fresh-out-the-90s fitted hats spun backwards. Yikes.
But there is hope. I’ve met some awesome, interesting people since I’ve lived up here the past two years. Unfortunately, many of them are moving and I can’t say I blame them. There isn’t much here during the winter unless you have family nearby, which I don’t. I’m just here for school. I still have over a year before I graduate from SUNY. When I do, I’m definitely getting my ESL license and possibly heading to Vermont. But there will always be a special place in my heart for Albany – the first place I actually got to live like someone my age, which I didn’t have an opportunity to do in Florida. Albany, keep on being as newsworthy as Lindsay Lohan. Mwah. <3
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